I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
