That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
