I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize