i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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