I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
