if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
