So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
