I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
