Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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