I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
