i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
