This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
