i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
