there's paper in my vomit.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize