I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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