Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
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