I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
