goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
