If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
