You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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