i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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