I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
