so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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