I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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