he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize