I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
