At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
