You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
