I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize