Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
