I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
