Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize