Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just found a bag of teeth...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
