What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
