the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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