So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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