so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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