ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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