Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
