Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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