She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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