oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
