"it" just moved
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
