paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
