craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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