and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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