I am spending my child support on dildos
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
