last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
MIDGETS
????
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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