you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
