Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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