I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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