You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
