What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
