she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize