you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
