They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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