FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I am one with the molecules
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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