I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
