i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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