if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
