So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
