Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
