they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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