You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
