Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
