his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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