There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Randomize
