I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
