he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize